White Girl #1 (On Right): “Y’aaall…Watching you stand for an extended period of time is making me tiiirrred and I’m positive my exhaustion is in no way related to the way my body is positioned sitting in this chair.”
White Girl #2: [She’s so weak. Her head is as good as “shaved bald” if she passes out.]
Big Bones #3: “Sissy, Sissy is getting real real darque on us right now and since she’s the prettiest and I’ve always been mad jel, I’m half tempted to leave that Cuntry Strong to die, but tell me how much she. is. WURQiiing right now! SO pretty.”
White Gurl #4 (Left): “Maybe a slow clap will get her pumped up. Either way, I gotta get back to Corporate in 20 for my bi-monthly Procurement Strategy Development & 3rd Party Payment retro-fit project implementation update. Let’s move.”
1st on Left (in Blood Red): “Fuck. Why is there like always gotta be a line for the Laydiz Room?”
2nd: “I don’t even know dawg. I’m tryna see how much longer we have but I can’t see shit.”
3rd: “Yeah whatever…back up bitches. I’m prettier than everyone here and I’m not about to wait in this line any longer. Watch me march right in there ahead of you in these impossible heels in what will appear to be slow-mo …I DARE you to say sumthin. YOU…hold on to my arm in case my twankles break in half and don’t even think about looking at me in the face.”
4th: “HOH dang, omg, Bri, this girl is getting all kinds of aggressive behind me and she does not even look like she’s playing games.”
5th: “Noooo…hnnnnnnnn…I can’t even hear you right now I’m about to have a real life crisis if I don’t get in there this minute. Those celery sticks are killing my insides by Firing Squad, genocide-style.”
6th: “Look into my eyes.”
7th on Right (in Butterscotch/Sauteed Sesame Seed): “You’re killing tonight. OK, I’m next. Quick…Can you see my teeth through my cheeks yet or should I gurge?”
Before I defend the hell out of this broad, I will say that I was a true hater of Ke$ha’s person when I first heard her bullshit on the radio a little over a yurr ago.
Now, I’ve come a long way since then as she has grown on me like black mold. Initially, I was like, “Ugh this bitch is a drunk whore…she’s talentless and isn’t even hawt”. Today, I’m all, “Ugh this John-Travolta-looking dusty-drunk-ass is so tight cuz she’s drunk and she’s a whore and she’s singing about being a drunk whore, which is literally exactly what I wanna lizzen to when I’m drinking and whoring”.
(Did you notice how things shifted about 180 degree or no?)
Her “music” is primarily about raging and getting hammered-drunk with a DJ on-site; sold.
Bazekally, I applaud this specimen for her success in creating an undeniable gravitational pull on our society because she is just jamming about what every kid her age wants to do and living fresh to death because of it. Not to mention it sounds like she’s having a bitchin time in erry one of her songs. Personally, I would like to hear about someone having a good ass time when I’m trying to get loose as a mother.
Sidebar; Get over yourself if you have an aversion to her auto-tunage. David Guetta doesn’t even say someone else’s lyrics in his music and your hips are a-movin’ all over the place when he comes on (lookin rrreal white).
Also, I do get that the idea of a supa beat-down booze-drinking sex-ambassador as an icon for today’s youth is a true outrage. However, she’s a product of our society, so it’s your own fault, and TBR, I think this is justification enough for the world to end in 2012 as indicated by those vintage-ass Mayan divas. You can bet that I’ll be listening to “Blow” when that time comes.
I’d like to take this opportunity to acknowledge an icon of Models Peauxs; Ellen Pompeo.
Those EYES. Those Gawd damn eyes. I bet a solider couldn’t give that look longer than she can. It’s like…ever since Grey’s Anatomy, Season 1, Episode 1, when Director Rob Corn told her, “look as though wind is constantly blowing in your face”, she has never let up (even off camera and on the Red Carpet).
Few know better than Mz. Pompeo that models peauxs and how to do so, and she is pushing bitches down and out of her way on her quest to be the best.
“Heyyyyy therrre…fffunny story…hhhhhhhhh…SO…No offense but sorry I don’t remember your name or how I got here. I take it I went overboard on the recreational street drugz last night as my former pocket-rocket-recently-turned-yayyo-jamm is no longer full of blow. Anyshwayyyy…I was planning on sneaking out of here before you woke up, but I just packed my tote with every article of clothing I wore here…then realized I was neked. It was exhausting pulling that zipper shut and there is no way in hell I’m doing cardio twice in 1 day. Look at this face…Do I look like a morning person? Be a doll and un-zip this for me so we can both be on our way. I think I’m getting a SECOND WIND!…ughhhhh I just lost it……..Heyyyyy therrre……….Dress me too?”
I can’t BELIEVE I almost just got eliminated from ‘Dancing With the Stars’ before Heather’s amazon-tall ass from ‘Rock of Love’. That bitch is huge. Her and J-Wow from ‘Jersey Shore’ would be moderately successful in filling the empty shoes of “China-Doll” from WWF. Just something they may wish to consider.
Anywhooo…I am BEAT and nothing sounds more comfortable to me right now than laying on the rim of an antique row-boat that has been strategically placed in the center of abstract room in a small, abandoned house, that’s been missing a roof for quite some time, in the middle of the woods.
I don’t even have the energy to take my heels off…that’s how tired I am and how comfortable it’s going to be.
I KNOW…I was confused about this too when I first saw it, but here’s the deal (long story):
Ty-Ty went to The Abbey this past Sunday to have brunch with her gays, and it was truly incredible weather; not a cloud in the sky, and a cool 75 degrees. However, since she’s so important and famous and humble and came from a rough background and was “rooting for you”, she really hasn’t been spending much time outdoors in the sun. Turns out she showed up early, and the girls showed up suuuper late (no one got pessed though). Anyways, once Sunday Funday actually started, it was nearly 3 PM, and there were tons of things Tyra had to tell everyone about herself…Trick spent nearly 5 hours sitting outside with the right side of her body completely exposed to the sunlight. Youch!
Basically, she got some real bad sun burns. Thankfully, though, gal-pal Janice Dickinson had some remedies for burned, mistreated, stressed, porcelain doll-looking skin that were featured on her ever-popular modeling agency reality show of which I can’t remember the name.
The most effective remedy (captured in the photo above) was highly risky (as evidenced by the photo above). The chemical is highly toxic, and if not used exactly as directed, it can be very abrasive and cause loss of elasticity in the skin (creating a “melted-wax-candle” look not unlike Ms. Dickinson’s pre-face-lift “scenario”). Obvi T-Beezy is not tryna risk marring her beauty, so she decided to use the treatment only on the affected area; the entire right side of her bod.
Being pretty is a full-time job. I’m working a double today.